Picking Your Poison: A Practial Guide to a Derailing Happy Hour


Do you get belligerent when things go wrong? Do you find yourself drunk with arrogance? The parallels between the dangers of over intoxication and leadership derailment are uncanny. Recently I shared a few crafted libations with partners from across our global network, and we discussed the dearth of available cocktails that pointedly appeal to an individual’s dark side. So naturally, we came up with the following menu of customized personality enhancers. It offers a number of options for entertaining that special boss or client, or for when you’re just looking to imbibe something that will reveal to your friends and colleagues who you really are.

The Excitable
This hot headed variant of the “Prairie Fire” is one part Tennessee whiskey, one part Tequila, and served in a generous shot glass with a habanero sauce floater. Once a few of these spicy voice amplifiers burn passed past your esophagus, you’ll notice a sudden increase in passionate pontification as well as chest hair. Professional swimmers and fans of the unbuttoned collar beware.

The Skeptical
Looking for a drink that arouses suspicion? Nothing says ‘whaddya think you’re lookin at’ better than this dubious brew. It’s the perfect prop for sitting at the end of a dark bar in sunglasses while you ponder the phrase ‘how are you doing tonight’ and if it was meant as an insult. The recipe is proprietary…just to get you started on the right foot.

The Cautious
Should you or shouldn’t you? Why not? After all it’s only a virgin Margarita in a plastic cup filled halfway. And if you’re not sure you’ll like it, start slow. Just a tip of the glass is enough to get a little loosened up.

The Reserved
Aged scotch, neat. Need we say more?

The Leisurely
We’ll get back to you on this one soon.

The Bold
If you’re out to show off your worth, this ‘cocky-tail’ is the one for you. We take the classic self-promoting energy drink and vodka mix and add an obnoxiously awesome protein powder. Guaranteed to inspire clever pick up lines, this drink is only appropriate for those who can handle an attitude that oozes bestness.

The Mischievous
Want to cleverly hide that ‘only-live-once’ attitude? Need to keep from looking like a bottomless lush without sacrificing a good buzz? Well if you’re searching for a drink that sneaks up on you, you’ve come to the right place. We amended the recipe for a Long Island Iced Tea to also include absinthe and a special brand of moonshine. We know it’s a bit much, but come on, it’s only one drink…

The Colorful
If sticking out from the crowd is what you’re after, try this outstanding social lubricant. Available in three inspired hues, this special blend of apple schnapps, blue curacaos and grenadine mix is poured into a fishbowl decorated by Asian cocktail umbrellas and tiny, unbelievably sharp cherry swords. Garnished with a cornucopia of fruit, you are sure to be remembered.

The Imaginative
We thought to ourselves, what if we combined one liquor from each country we do business with, in even parts, but we locally sourced the bottles so as to ensure the end-result’s genuine nature, and once we got the ingredients delivered, then we could experiment with recipes until we discovered the secret formula to a truly global cocktail.

The Diligent
Mastery of the measuring cup is a lost art. But we’re going to revive it with this methodically tested formula. Featuring meticulously coordinated flavors, we combine 1.42 oz of coconut rum and 37.26 oz. of cola for a thoroughly good time.

The Dutiful
Just have whatever your companion is having; as long as it would be okay with them to do that. Otherwise find out what they recommend for you.

Derail responsibly.